Official Newsletter of the Old-Time Hockey Over-30 League
21 Seasons and counting
Article 235 April 27, 2013
Game results and Player(s) of the Week
Week of April 20, (Game 1) – It is very rare that a game has no impact on the standings in the Over-30 league, yet, that is exactly what took place this past Saturday between On My Own and In Sinjin We Trust. In Sinjin We Trust had already been eliminated from playoff contention and On My Own could finish in 2nd place with a win or drop to 3rd place with a loss (depending on the score from the second game played this week). The game was just a formality. What really mattered and had everyone’s attention was could Tony Bono record 2 points and beat that pink stick bag challenge? Or would Tony become the newest owner of that pink stick bag and have to wear that pink bandana starting in the winter 2013 season in September? The odds against Tony were not in his favor. The final score showed On My Own blowing out In Sinjin We Trust by the lopsided 7 – 3 score.
The game played out as expected in the first period, with On My Own jumping out to a commanding three goal lead on the strength of goals scored by John Colucciello, Dave Curcio and Ray Dow. Dave also assisted on both Cooch’s and Ray’s goals as they were well on their way to finally breaking that four game losing streak. In the second period, the game was moving along with no visible signs from Tony Bono that he would even come close to recording a point, when after serving his penalty for a high stick, Ed Nigro came out of the penalty box with none other than Tony Bono behind him for a two-on-none scoring chance. Without looking behind him, Ed methodically went in on the goalie and finished on his backhand to score his only goal of the season, with just under three minutes to play in the period. When asked after the game why he didn’t try to set up Tony, Ed replied it was more important to score HIS first goal of the season than to get caught up in all that Bono hysteria. Just when everyone thought Tony would not register a point in this game, lightning struck fifty seconds later in the form of John Mastrocola as he scored off a rebound of a Tony Bono shot. After consulting with the video replay officials in the Toronto office, it was determined that the goalie never had full possession of Tony’s shot and thus Tony was credited with an assist (unlike one of Ray Nickerson’s phantom assists, this one was earned by Tony).
Heading into the third period, time was not on Tony’s side as running time was in effect which would reduce his chances even more. That would all change, thirty seconds into the period, as Ray Nickerson scored his first goal, then added another with four minutes to play. After trading goals by Cooch and Ray Nickerson (completing his hat trick) with just under two minutes to play, it did not look good for Tony. With 27 SECONDS TO PLAY, Tony did it, by scoring a goal when falling down on the floor, to record his second point and beating that pink stick bag challenge. Tony received a standing ovation not only from his team but from all the players standing on the sidelines waiting to play. It was bedlam!
Week of April 20, (Game 2) – In a game between the Wanna Be’s and the Portuguese Pretenders, the goal was simple and right in front of both teams. The winner of this game would finish in third place, while the loser would end up in fourth place. Everything was at stake for both these teams and would determine the playoff matchups. In a game that took a step back in time, it was old-timers day, as the Wanna Be’s and Portuguese Pretenders each got production from an unexpected source. The Wanna Be’s defeated the Portuguese Pretenders, by a score of 2 – 1.
With the previous two games played between these two teams each a one goal contest, it was expected that this game would follow right in line. In the first period, the game was played in up and down fashion with limited scoring chances by each team. With only two seconds to play in the first period, Dave “the anchor” Hill’s seemingly harmless wrist shot from the right wing somehow eluded the goalie to give the Portuguese Pretenders the early lead. Who knew that Dave was a power forward in hiding?
In the second period, the Wanna Be’s started to apply some pressure and had some chances to score only to watch their wingers misplay the pass or overrun the ball and never get the shot off. With just over six minutes to play, Bill Abcunas put an end to that. Taking a pass from Umberto Badassarre, he moved from left to right to allow his wingers to crash the net and just as one of his wingers moved across the net, he fired a low shot to the far side that went past the screened goalie to tie this game at a goal apiece. Following the footsteps of old-timer Dave Hill, Bill parked his ass right on top of the crease late in the second period to screen the goalie on a shot from the point by Mike Fleming. Surprisingly, not being moved from out front, the rebound came out through Bill’s legs and he backhanded the rebound thru the five hole to score the eventual game winning goal.
This marked the first time all season that the line of Scott Young-Tony Medeiros-Dominic Defrancisco had failed to record a point in a game. For one game, the Over-30 league really did go back in time to live up to its name of Old Time Hockey, couteousy of Dave and Bill.
Trash Can Talk
HE SHOOTS… HE SCORES!!! (From his ASS basically).
All the drama… the hype… the bets… the pressure… all came down to 27 seconds left to play and to tally one last point for Tony Bono and his Smiling Pete Lodi Stick Bag Challenge.
Tony scored an assist earlier in the game to raise the intensity of the fans watching, who were both cheering for and against Tony. There were a lot of double-down bets wagered on Tony’s last regular season game. A game that had zero meaning.., (and yet) was one of the most entertaining games of the season.
Tony’s teammates wanted to double and triple shift him… and had John Mancinelli buried either one of the two beautiful chances that Tony passed to him, the challenge would have been over earlier in the game. Joe missed an open short side… and then rang the post on what was a half-naked wide open net.
In his own unorthodox Bobby Orr moment.., Tony somehow slips one past Ably Luise(who owes this reporter $10). All Alby had to do was just make one last save in his dismal 5.08 GAA season, and Tony is new bearer of the now infamous Pink Stick Bag. But Nooooooo, Tony throws a Tim Wakefield knuckleball (FROM HIS ASS) at the goal and like 60-goals before that one on Alby… and as luck would have it... it went in for 61. (I want my ten bucks Alby!!)
Tony Bono’s reaction after scoring his 9th point of the season with 27-seconds left to play. You can see in this photo that Alby Luise is clearly out of position in net (Seriously Alby, Bring me $10 bucks)
We reached out to the Bono’s for their comments
First a word from the Challenger himself:
“To everyone that doubted me – Ha!”
“To everyone that was behind me - Thank you!”
“If you could say a BIG thank you to all my teammates from me for helping me win the Smiling Pete Lodi Stick Bag Challenge. They were behind me and rooting for me all season and they kept telling me to stay out and double shift the last half of the last game. They actually didn't want me to come out the entire third period.” ~Tony
From Mrs’ Bono
“Yeah Bill….that's how he does things….drama drama drama!! And around here he always waits till the last possible second - so I’m not surprised he pulled it off at all!" ~ Jayne Bono
The Bono Boy’s
“Don’t you ever doubt my Dad again… He always tells me that he is the greatest Over-30 Hockey Player in the league. “ ~Anthony Bono Jr
“Even Better than Matty” ~Chas Bono
Speaking of Matty Iannello…
Our own resident Over-30 Brett Farve wanna be is at it again. No not texting pictures of his wang to cheerleaders.., Matty “Matty I” Iannello is threatening to retire (again). Every season is his last season.., and yet we see him back every fall.
Matty who was leading the scoring title by just 2-points and with only one game and one player to catch him. Runner up Dominic DeFrancisco who needed 2-points to tie and 3-points to beat Matt in the scoring race, unfortunately played his last game against the hottest goalie and league leader Billy Gardynski Jr. Sorry Dom there is no prize for being the runner up.
Matt who couldn’t stand to watch (or even wanted the award) since In Sinjin We Trust failed to make the playoffs.., left the game early and requested we text him... and this is what Matt had to say when he learned about winning yet another scoring title;
Like we said before… Another meaningless Award for the Great One
There is a fourth member of the ever growing “Snub Club”… League Director/Player Bill Abcunas’ 2-goal performance (including the GWG)in a game that only saw 2-goals (both by Bill)… was overlooked like his peers before him (Jim Barber, John Colucciello, Jeff Deharo) who all were snubbed for the Assistant League Director Dunkin Donut Player of the Week Award.
No "Spring" Chicken
Apparently former instigator, antagonistic, and All-Time League Leading Championship Jacket Winner Pat Pirone is no "Spring" Chicken… Not because of his age, like most of us.., he’s waaaay past 30. Apparently Pat cannot win a Championship in the spring.
It was brought to our attention that Pat has won the last (3) Winter Season Championships, but cannot find a way to win in the spring. So with that said… If you find yourself on Pat’s team in August for the start of the 2013 Winter Season, just give Billy your jacket size because it’s almost a guaranteed championship… right Pat?
Happy Belated Birthday to Nick Romano… Nicky recently turned 50.., but looks like he’s 60.., however he still plays like someone in the 30’s. Nick has joined the Golden Oldies squad of the Over-30 League. Nicky took the opportunity to celebrate his 50th Birthday with a Proctology Test… and the test results were STINKY!!! Last week Nick left fans along with teammates dry-heaving before and during his game. Seems that when you turn 50 your “O-ring” goes and can no longer hold back the wrath of Mexican Food.
Let the record show that the rumor of have the Over-30 League’s first Over-50 Team is not true. Rumors were circulating that Nick Romano, Dave Hill, Steve Oppedisano, Dan Broderick, Bill Abcunas, Mark Stickney, Ed Nigro… with aging close veterans Ray Nickerson, Joe Shannon and Mike Naczas are not going to be a team next season.
The rumor had the team calling themselves either “The Golden Girls” or “Grandpa’s Farts”. The main reason these guys cannot play on the same team at once… is not due to their age.., (or talent). It was due to the fact that the whole team would always miss the 5:00 games for the “Early Bird Special” at the Continental on Route 1 North. Just one of the perks of being 50… you qualifying for a nice $6.00 Steak Dinner at 4:30 in the afternoon.
Dumbass Cat Playoff Prediction's
Portuguese Pretenders over Midas Touch
Wanna Be's over On My Own
Sinjin obviously has no clue... and is about as accurate as Jimmy "The Greek". So in this reporter's opinion that cat knows nothing. However, we will entertain his predictions.... because after all an Optopus picked the winner of the World Cup.
Personally I think the cat was just testing out which one he wanted to piss on first.
Smiling Pete Lodi "Pink Stick Bag" Challenge
The premise behind this individual challenge is simple. Tony’s offensive point production has steadily decreased ever since he reinvented himself as a defensive forward in the Over-30 league. We thought that this scoring slump may have also been due to Tony trying to balance his Over-30 league responsibilities with his son’s hectic and always changing youth hockey schedules. Thus, Tony was the consensus second pick for the dreaded Pink Stick Bag Challenge to prove to us that we are all wrong in our assessment of his talents. Simply put, Tony has to score 9 total points this season. Otherwise, the Pink Stick Bag will be passed down from the first original loser of this Pink Stick Bag Challenge, Jim Barber, and Tony will have to carry onto the rink with him his new pink stick bag during the 2013 winter season, courteous of the Over-30 league.
For those of you who are counting, here are the game by game weekly running totals for Tony’s chase for pink stick bag infamy. This table will be posted on the website on a weekly basis so that you can all place your side bets and have a good laugh at Mr. Bono’s expense.
Tony Bono Pink Stick Bag point Watch 2013
(Needs 9 total points to beat this challenge)
Highlight of the game
Has that deer caught in the headlights look, feeling the pressure by constantly asking himself “what the hell did I just get myself into?”
Breathes a sigh of relief knowing that the point monkey is off his back.
Team mates are trying to set Tony up for points, but, are frustrated over his lack of finish. The new team strategy is to have Tony stand by the net and shoot the ball off him into the net.
Even with a big game production, Tony whines about the referee’s shafting him on points, insisting that he scored 3-goals and 1-assist, not 2-goals and 1-assist. Provides an email with a breakdown of each goal he scored for proof, but, still doesn’t get the alleged extra point.
After spending a few days being tutored by Matty Iannello on how to score, the lessons paid off as Tony scores on a breakaway, making a world-class move to beat the goalie.
Email Excuse #1 “I will not be at my game this Saturday, Feb.23rd. I will be in Albany, NY as my son has a couple of hockey games”
Email Excuse #2 "At this time it does not look like I will be able to make Saturday's game. I am on call for work and cannot leave my house when on call, and unfortunately at this time I have not been able to get someone to cover for me for a couple of hours. I don't anticipate anything changing between now and 5:00."
With the pressure mounting from hecklers in the Over-30 league, from his wife, and from his son, Tony made a decision to end this point watch sooner rather than later, scoring 2 goals in the process.
Tony admits that his zero production was not his finest hour; however, he insists that there is still nothing to worry about, and he will meet this challenge (secretly hoping that he doesn’t miss another game).
If missing a half-empty net was worth a point... Tony would only have one point left to earn. Shortened shifts and rotating a forwarded also didn't help Tony's challenge.
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