Sabotage
Shame on you Jake "From Statefarm" Deehan for missing last week's game against Jim Barber.., it was (you) that started the streak and it should have been (you) that ended the streak.., but instead (you) called in sick and hid.., and shame on the League Director Bill Abcunas who had to sabotage Jim's streak by hiring outside "Non-Union Scab Workers" to fill in for Jake.
That's right Billy.., we saw you hand Dale McIssac a Dunkin Donut gift card after the game. It's too bad the jokes on you.., Dale didn't shut Jim down, big Mike Surette shut him down (and) he alone was the sole reason Jim's streak ended.
Oh and Dale.., before you order your Dunkin Donuts coffee with your bribe card.., make sure you have cash on you too.., that card is probably just a prop for the weekly photos and has had a zero balance on it for 3-years now.
New Streak
Now that Jim Barber went scoreless on 3-attempts (including whiffing on a pass) from defenseman Mike Naczas.., the Captain is starting a new streak.., How many games in-a-row can he suck and go pointless.., the current streak is at 1-game and counting.
PLAYER(s) of the week
If our vote counted.., Jeff Deharo would be dunking his Five Guys Cheeseburger into his Dunkin Donuts Coffee, as Jeff single-handily broke up the three-way tie for 1st place.
Although he didn't get the shutouts.., Jeff made a lot of spectacular saves against the (former) first place team Gang Green.., and then filled in and helped Mixed Nuts take over sole position of the #1 spot in the standings.
Jeff let up one goal for each of his two games.., which included facing players like Dominic "Did Nothing" DeFrancisco and Shawn "MIA" Miville.
Department of Defense
Assistant League Direct and now Department of Defense General Mike Naczas is doing a "tremendous” job with his team of defendants.
We're still compiling the numbers.., but we believe Naz and company have allowed only 2-goals in 2-games while under his promotion to Defense Coordinator. Our fact checking team will confirm those figures.
Also.., Last week while Jeff was trying to tie up a loose ball.., he had more sticks in his face than an Asian girl at a Bukkake Party.
While the substitute official was taking his sweet ass time in blowing the whistle.., Naz came to Jeff's defense and saved a goal from going against Jeff's GAA.., so maybe Jeff can bring Naz a donut for helping keep it a one goal game.
See how happier it is when no one is yelling and blaming each other.
Stick Magnet
Tony Mastrocola might not be a "Chick Magnet".., but he definitely owns a "Stick Magnet".
Last week we watched Tony, block, tip and blatantly stop anything within his 3-foot wingspan.
Tony who's typically (and formally) a speedy (pre-hip surgery) Speedster.., has opted to spend his playing time.., playing in the defensive pasture.
We asked Black Hole Defense Coordinator Mike Naczas about Tony's defense;
"Tony has been a solid contributor on defense for Black Hole.., well, except for that one-time (in Overtime) when he thought he was Jay Carrien and tried to stick handle the ball from behind his own net.., then coughed it up to Mauro Coluciello who quickly buried the GWG OT Goal.., but other than that.., Tony has been as solid as any #2 drafted defenseman in the league."
Car Troubles?
I think we might have found the root cause at to why Walter "Chong" Maslak always shows up late and has lost his scoring ways.
All this time Walter has been having car troubles;
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