Over 30 Hockey League

Article 314 March 26, 2016

Game results and Player(s) of the Week

Retractions & Apologies

Before we precede with this weeks “Trash Talk” portion of the forum… we must issue a retraction and share our apologies to Jim Clarke.

We accidentally affiliated Jim with his former team Island of Misfit Toys and credited him with being part of the “Magnificent Seven” that won their first game of the season.  Jimmy was moved to slightly more successful team in Consigliere and they currently have 2-more wins than the bottom dwellers.

Mike Surette admittedly wanted credit for being on the last place team and part of the “Magnificent Seven” that went 1-6-1-1 (before last week’s loss) to make them 1-7-1-1.

We apologize to Jim Clarke for defamation of character and to BIG Mike Surette congrats on your first (and probably only win of the season).

Recall Ball Notice

Ok, so we had the ceremonial presentation (including a photo opt) for Umberto “Papa Smurf” Biancardi and his 100^th point of his Over-30 Career.  But, before you put that ball on the mantle… we did the math.

Umberto had 90-points going into the 2016 Spring Season… so only 10-points and he reaches his first milestone, Buuuut…. Umberto has 2-Goal and 7-Assists (2+7=9)

 So it’s up to you Papa… Keep #99 and pretend, or give it back and wait for the real 100^th point ball.

Recall Captain Notices

To continue with recalls since we are already recalling “Papa Smurf’s” 99-point ceremonial ball… We all want to recall Captain Scott Young’s Captaincy. 

To be a leader… you need to be present.  Playing in only 50% of their games, we’re petitioning the league to replace Scotty’s “C” with an “A”… Sure we can let him think it means “Assistant Captain”… be we all know it will represent “Absent”.

Smart Moves

Colleen O'Connell had an elsewhere to be… and Mike Naczas  benched himself and got the hell out of dodge before the ensuring ass kicking that Island of Misfit Toys was about to endure.

Those were probably two of the smartest defensive moves they made this season.

On a must win game with a full roster facing the #2 team… we had high hopes for the “Great One” and his band of merry men, but that hope turned to sympathy as we had to watch Labatt Blues throw a 9-1 beating and all but squash Island of Misfit Toys playoff hopes.

“Greatest Comeback in Over-30 History”?

That is what #5 Bill Abcunas was telling reporters before their embarrassing attempt to put together a 2-game win streak.

Trying to build on their first win of the season and fighting off Consigliere for the last playoff seed… Bill’s prediction would be the equivalent of Babe Ruth pointing to the centerfield bleachers.., and then striking out looking.

For the “Greatest Comeback in Over-30 History” to still happen… Island of Misfit Toys MUST win their last 2-games and hope Consigliere loses their last two game.  Anything less and Matty Iannello along with his toys become playoff spectators.

Referee or Waiter?

What was Tono Bono doing?

Was Tony being punished and forced to ref a game… or was he trying out for a referee position after his Over-30 career comes to an end?

We’re pretty sure you need to pass a referee test before donning the stripes… which is probably why Tony looks more like a waiter than a referee.

Tony… Next time we see you wearing this shirt you better have a Black Pepper Cracker in your hands instead of a whistle.

Conspiracy Theory #5

Did anyone catch the referee swap after game #1?  Tony Bono who refed game one was tapped on the shoulder and sent to the showers after a replacement ref came out of the bullpen to referee game #2

The 2^nd referee resembled a player from the previous losing team that wore #5.

So to our conspiracy theorist… was the swap made because Tony had a one-game tryout?  Or… was ref #2 on the dek to ensure that Broken Promises beats Consigliere and keeps Island of Misfit Toys from being mathematically eliminated.

Pre-game Rituals

If I told you that someone before the game was eating yogurt and doing leg stretches that resemble a ballerina… you would automatically assume I was talking about Colleen O’Connell.

Wrong!!!  The “yogurt eating, ballerina stretching” player was none other than Pat “Stop calling me a reformed Goon” Pirone.  

A couple more years Pat and you can share Dan Broderick’s pre-game Metamucila and a bowl of bran flakes.., followed by Dan’s patented suicide sprints.

No More “Stonehands”

Did you notice Gary Goodwin bring the game to halt while he lay in agony in the offensive zone?

Despite what the Goodwin critics say… Gary does not indeed have “Stonehands” because the agony Gary was suffering was from a slash to his hands and his paper-thin baseball gloves.

While Gary was walking to the bench shaking his hand in pain… it was debated as to why Gary needs baseball gloves instead of hockey gloves.  

Some finesse players say they can “feel” the ball on their stick better with thin gloves.  We would not put Gary in that “finesse” category with 2-Goals and 4-Assists, so Gary can we recommend you purchase some new “hockey” gloves and stick you game of “reckless physical intimidating fore-checking”

Conclusive Evidence?

Pat Pirone easily had the best and worst defense of his “High-Sticking/Goal Penalty”

On a Bang-Bang Broken Promises defensive screw-up… Pat found himself in front of their goalie with a ball coming at him “shoulder height”.  Pat’s instincts had him slapping the ball mid-flight and past Scotty Rosato.

After further review it was deemed a “High Stick” and instead of celebrating a goal, Pat found himself in a familiar place, the penalty box.

Before going into the Sin Bin for a minute… Pat very animated argued that it had to be “Conclusive Evidence” to reverse the call.  Where the “F” are we going to get “Conclusive Evidence”… roll back the film, ask the goal judge, or place a call to Toronto? 

The referees got together and calculated that your shoulder height is above the cross bar height… and thus the high-sticking penalty.