Over 30 Hockey League

Multiple Goals
People always wonder “Who writes the forum?”.., to be honest it’s “Nunya” and as we always say at the water cooler in the Reporters Break Room.., “The Forum writes itself” and here’s a perfect example;

If you recall from a previous edition that there was a piece on Gary Goodwin and his 6-goal challenge and there was no why he would achieve it without a multiple goal game.., and that’s “almost” impossible for Gary to do.

Well “almost” happened last week as Gary buried 2-goals (including the GWG) to bring his challenged total to 3-goals with still half the season to play. 

According to Gary he’s going to “Smash it” with 10-goals.., and he just might (if) those goals don’t come in the form of any breakaways.., because we all saw his attempt last week when Mike Duggan spoon-fed him a feathered breakaway pass right up the middle and “Stonehands” got stoned by Jeff Deharo and nixed Gary’s bid for a hat trick. 

Snubbed
Another “Forum Inspired” player came in the form of Mike Naczas who was snubbed from the “Old Farts” inter-league competition and vowed he will have more points than Dan Broderick and Rob Valley.., and he was careful not to say “than both of them combined.”

So what does the bitter (and 20-lbs lighter) defenseman do?

His begging for assists finally paid off with not one, but two.., “Get me the assist!!” cries to his forwards that helped earn him a #3 Star last week.  We’ll have to go back into the O30H archives to see when the last time Naz had a multi-point game (and who was President at that time).

So you hear that Dan? Are you listening Rob?.., Naz plans on beating you both in points this season.., and he currently has a 2-point lead on you both.

I smell another Over-30 side bet coming… (shhh) You know where the bookie “sits” and it’s cash only.

“Dominator”
After a couple weeks stint on IR could the “Dominator” finally be ready to wake up and play some hockey like he was drafted and projected to? 

After watching Gary Goodwin bury 2-goals, Roadrunner Captain Dominic DeFrancisco popped in the next 2-goals for the 4-1 win.., and everyone knows; when you’re scoring goals and winning.., you don’t have tantrums and break expensive sticks.

Welcome
Welcome to the Over-30 League Leo Trombley.., who is now an officially rostered player on Captain’s Mutiny.

We even went back and retroactively credited your first assist of the season when you were “filling in”.., and at no additional cost to you. 

For those on the bandwagon; Captain’s Mutiny is now officially 1-0 with Leo on the team..,  and he is the only undefeated player in the league.  Good luck Leo and don't forget it's picture day today.

Winless 
Without out an official investigative report.., we believe Marty Markawicz and Joe “Guido” Conary are the only two players in the league without a win this season.

Both players have been MIA for both of their teams wins.., so could they be the root cause of Captain’s Mutiny rocky start.., or will they show up this week and contribute to their team’s (hot) 2-game winning streak?

Shit Sandwich
Steve Taddonio came with 14-seconds of creating the first ever “Over-30 Goalie Shit Sandwich”.

What’s an “Over-30 Goalie Shit Sandwich” you ask?

That’s when you take two slices of “perfect” shutout games and put a shit game between the two. 

Steve had a 5-0 shutout 3-weeks ago against Justice League… then 2-weeks ago he laid a turd in the crease with a 7-3 loss to Goombahs.., and finally another stellar game with a 4-1 win against Vulcan Grip.., but the shutout was only 14-seconds away from perfection when Dave Costa ruined it. So without that second slice of perfection… it was more of an opened faced shit sandwich.

When it’s all said and done Steve has a 2.25 GAA for October (so far) with one game to go and finds himself on the top of the goalie leaderboard and flashing gang signs in his player profile picture (Can someone please retake that – we have standards in the Over-30 League).

Meltdown
Matty Iannello had a meltdown last week after his goal that clearly hit the center back post went uncalled.

Everyone watching the game saw it go in including the (4) unofficial goal judges that were enjoying some after-game adult beverages in the stands who all signaled good goal… everyone that is (except the Referee that was in “his end” – more on that later)

Derek “Exited the box stage left” and barreled right into the offensive zone (high slot) to bury a one-timer pass from Gino Tammaro just 17-seconds after his parole from the penalty box for time-served and good behavior.

Police Lineup
Did you see this weeks Leading Scorers? It looks like a police lineup from the De Luca Crime Family. 

The (3) suspects; Consigliere’s Gino Tammaro and Ricky Cassano along with the Godfather Angelo De Luca have been stealing goals and assists to the tune of 22-goals and 25-assists to lead the league.

We showed this lineup to the opposing Over-30 Goalies and asked which player was the one they fear the most... All five goalies were afraid to pick their assailant out of the lineup for fear of retribution and additional beatings.

To put it in perspective… if you started at the bottom of the leader board.., you would have to count up 24-players to equal their 25-assists and 36-players to equal their 22-goals.

Demotions 
Attention Over-30 Referees.., if we hear the excuse “that’s not my zone” one more time.., there will be an O30HLPA meeting to discuss demoting you to refereeing Cub Scouts games in Church parking lots. 

Players do not wanna hear “That’s his zone” anymore.., this is not a Hockeytown League. This is a private and kinda expensive invitational league and we expect above grade Hockeytown Referees for our officiating. 

See Something…
In the aftermath of 9/11 we all heard the phrase “See Something, Say Something”.., so if you’re Refereeing a game and you “See Something”.., that maybe the other guy missed (oh say like a goal).., Blow the whistle and “Say Something.”

If you see a blatant undisputable “beyond a reasonable doubt” penalty like a high-stick, tripping, interference or another egregious act (something that could affect the game)… Call it and own it!  You’re an Official.

Zone Definitions
There is no “His End, or His Zone, or His Call”.

The only “Zones” are “Offensive Zone” and “Defensive Zone”.

The only way to properly refer to your “Zone” or his “Zone” is during face-offs only.., after you drop the ball you are refereeing “The Game” not just “Your Zone.”