Over 30 Hockey League

Postponed

For those of you who showed up early for the Joe Shannon retirement celebration…, we apologize as the festivities were canceled at the last minute (but more on that later)

However, we swear…, this week, once again 5:30PM, please join us to celebrate Joe’s playing days and his accomplishments as we officially put him out to the “Over-30 Pasture” to graze with Ed Nigro as the second retiree to be inducted into the Over-30 Hall of Fame. 

Together they can bask in the sun and chew their cuds while reminiscing about their glory days of playing in the Over-30 League.

HIPAA Laws

Last week we had to postpone Joe’s Retirement celebration because the “Master of Ceremonies” was feeling sick.

Like a true League Director he instructed his minions that the show must go on without him..., but we quickly vetoed that decision, as Joe’s induction should come from the man that created the Over-30 League and not the 2nd and 3rd Bananas that claim to run the league.

We dug more into what “ailment” Bill was suffering from… and spent $100 to bribe his primary care physician to void the HIPAA Laws and tell us what was wrong with our dear leader.

Turns out he was suffering from “Chicken” Pox as he had a premonition that Black Magic was going to lose to Dave Costa and the Assistant League Director Mike Naczas. 

Billy wanted no part of that ugly loss on his permanent record as his comeback tour has been a huge success so far.

11th Man Out

So long Mike Cresta we hardly got to know you.

Mike submitted his resignation papers with the league via a 3rd party courier as he had zero forms of technological contact with the outside world (No email, No Cell phone) we received his resignation from a carrier pigeon with a scroll saying, “I Quit.”

We have no other details on his abrupt exit from the league.., but if this was a Matty Iannello run team then we would at least have a reason for the departure…, for something like either, the “Taglia Effect” or “Parquetting” but Jamie Kehoe didn’t have any additional information available at the time of press.

Possible Reasons

So, we here at the forum wouldn’t be doing our jobs if we didn’t poke around for additional answers and speculations and here’s what we think might have happened to Mike Cresta.

1. Ray Nickerson either yelled at him (or paid him) to quit.
2. Without technology…, Rob Valley stopped telling him what time the games were at.
3. Mike Duggan was blaming him as the reason he won’t score 30-goals this season.
4. He figured out nothing good comes from playing in jeans and rubbed some lotion cream he found on the bench from the previous game on his chaffed inner thigh rash and left urgently and permanently for medical reasons.

Either way…, thanks for playing and we’ll look for an11th man replacement next season.

With this being a Jamie Kehoe team..., maybe we light up a spotlight with a “Guido” symbol in the skies above Hockeytown (but not as a goalie)

Ball Pranks

You know what’s fun to watch…,  Rob Sheridan and the way he puts the ball on a string and dangles it in front of his opponents..., and right when they get up enough confidence to take it from “Dr Rob” he pulls the string on them and then stick handles by them.

It’s like watching those ball prank videos;

New Hat tricks

You have the “Natural Hat trick” three goals in a row uninterrupted…, You have the “Gordy Howe Hat trick” (Goal, Assist & Fight)…, you have the Pat Pirone Hat trick (Goal, Assist & Offensive Zone Penalty) and now we’re waiting for confirmation for the newest Over-30 Hat trick…, The Donny Maccini.

The Donny Maccini Hat trick is a little bit different and harder to achieve as it consists of a Goal, and Assist, and a 5-number KENO win for $450.

Last week Donny left early to check his tickets before he could witness another new Hat Trick with Jim Barber’s “Captain’s Platter”.  That Hat trick which consists of a Captain scoring a Hat trick which includes the game winning goal.

Champions Cream

Two weeks ago, we saw a black bottle of lotion being passed around between players from the Sandbaggers.

We were told its horse cream that players are rubbing on their hamstrings and that it’s 10x’s stronger than any OTC cream from CVS.

Our only concern is that a bunch of Jackasses are rubbing cream on themselves that was made for Horses.., and not for Donkeys!

Side Effects

Sure the bottle says for “Champions”…, but I think Mike Naczas and Tony Fosco and any other Roadrunner that’s lubing up with liquid fire should also understand the side effects.

Steroids give you “Roid-Rage”…, Viagra gives you a boner that needs medical attention after 4-hours.., and if you’re using horse cream for a “Nag”-ing injury…, that will get you shot if you break a leg, or sent to the Elmer’s Glue Factory when you are no longer productive.

So, with that said we close with a relevant song;

“A horse is a horse, of course, of course, And no one can talk to a horse of course.

That is, of course, unless the horse is the famous Mr. Naz.”

Sore Losers

Last week we learned (3) things about Black Magic.

1. Billy Abcunas has ESP and a case of the “Chicken” pox.
2. Black Magic finally gets their 1st regulation loss of the season.
3. They are sore losers!

Last week’s game between Black Magic vs Sandbaggers was actually a really good game. Back and forth with both teams’ short players and battling like it was a playoff game.

But it got a little too ugly in the end. We get it, you feel like the Referees missed calls…, but it’s still no reason to blowup at them and/or storm out.  Do you guys make mistakes at work (and still get paid?)…, so let’s keep our emotions in check to the officials…, as we said before without them we are just a parking lot game.

The Over-30 Complaint Department Staff with the help of League Officials will listen to your complaints and address them (when and as-needed) but we don’t need a bunch of Terry Tate’s on the floor trying to motivate and correct Over-30 League Employees.

4-of-a-kind

What did all three of the winning teams from last week have in common?

They all scored (4) goals in their games…, we would have to check the Over-30 archives, but we can’t recall when all three of the winning teams scored the exact same number of goals.  We’ve seen multiple weeks where all the losers score only 2-goals, but not all three winners scoring the same.  

So, if you have nothing to do and want to research and fact-check this statement please feel free and let us know what you find.

Unsung Heroes

Lask week we noted three unsung heroes in their teams wins.

First up; John Carey and his overtime win with Marooned.., it’s always fun watching the new 3-on-3 OT format.  As John carried the ball over the line and into the offensive zone, Leo Trombley kept backing up and backing up when suddenly John used him as a decoy and blasted the GWG right in front of Hecklers Row.  That’s where you want to be a hero and not a zero.

Jim Barber scored his version of the “Captain’s Platter” hat trick last week with two of his goals in front of Hecklers Row.  Jim finally buried a one-timer from Mike Roberto and unknowingly buried a partial breakaway, which he didn’t even know went in until he ran past the goalie and looked at the back of the net.

Paul White jumped into the play and shoots a BB on hot goaltender Scotty Rosato beating him for the tying goal.  Paul then assisted on the GWG as part of the controversial loss.  But we have one question;

Paul is another defenseman wearing the #5… is he too, another Dan Broderick wanna be?

Unionized

Finally; being a referee is a thankless job… “If you make the call”…, 12 guys hate you.  “If you don’t make the call”…, the other 12 guys hate you.  But the game needs Referee’s and the players need the following from them before they vote to strike.

Here’s our simple list of demands;

• Consistency!
• Be in position to make the calls and goals.
1. High guy hangs within 2ft of the offsides line.
2. Low guy near the goal line to watch for migrant goal crossings.
• Make the calls if you see them (Don’t say it’s “His Call”)
• Never refer to the other zone as “His zone”
• Communicate with each other on icing calls and overrides.
• A simple explanation to the “C” or “A” players only (per the rule book)

Hot-Warm-Cold

Ok, lets debate this;

We use the “Hot-Warm-Cold” columns in the standings as a motivating factor for teams…, but we never determined the criteria.

This week there is no “Warm” teams…, we have (4) “Hot” teams and (2) “Cold” teams.

Here’s one take on the criteria;

“Hot” Team is a team that has won (2) games in a row (or) a team that has won 3 out of 4 of their previous games.

“Warm” Team is a team that won that week…, but has also won 2 out of 3 of their previous games.

“Cold” Team is a team that has lost back-to-back weeks, and only gets to “warm” up when they pull together a “2 out of 3” streak.  1-win in the last three weeks should still be a “Cold” team (or as we call them) Royal Family. 

There is no “Iced Cold” bracket…, but if there was, after dropping 4-straight losses we would put Steve Taddonio and the Tealsters Union in that bracket.

File this one under... wtf?

With Jason Carrien loosing a bet to Bill Abcunas last season and having to wear a “game worn” jersey from Bill’s glory days of being a tournament player…, it’s time for another edition of “How to disrespect the Coram Canadian Jersey"

This week Jay used the latest technology using AI and asked google “What did Bill Abcunas look like back in the 70’s?"

This is what he got;