Over 30 Hockey League

From the pre-game lighting debacle.., to handing out wrong jersey numbers.., to being overwhelmed with week #1 festivities.., someone didn’t watch the first two games of the season and thus had nothing to write about and suffered from an apparent case of writers block;

There’s a new segment for the Over-30 that will live right here between the Game Results and Trash Talk.

This year we are taking a page from the NHL and recognizing the Top 3-Stars of the week.

But, don’t too excited just yet.., the Over-30 Award Budget only allows to financially reward the “Top Star” with the true “Dunkin Donuts Player of the Week Award”.., while the 2nd and 3rd Stars are being recognized (in print only) for their standout performances.

The League will not be handing out mini-sticks for the players to give to some lucky fans over the glass either.., because Billy & Kelly tend to chase off any lucky fans with exclamations ”Get down below the glass!!”

With all that said.., here are your 3-Stars of the week;

1st Star

John Carey

All 4-goalies have filed a grievance with League Officials claiming the goals scored during last week’s games should not count against the GAA because of the poorly light rink.

Best Jerseys Ever!

It’s only took 28-seasons.., but after years of bitching and complaining about the washed out bland-looking logo, oversized jerseys and that season when they were made out of burlap.., FINALLY!, we have the best jersey to date.., all thanks to the help of Todd Bryson.

Todd freshened up the outdated logo to make it a little more contemporary.., and for the most part the colors schemes are nice.., the only mishap is the green lettering on a blue jersey.., the lettering is washed out (so) there is still room for improvement.., but overall.., the consensus’s is these are the nicest ones to date!

New championship pullovers.., new jersey’s.., and most importantly the “New Regime” are all big improvements towards keeping the league relevant and desirable to be a part of.

Summer Shakespeare

Week #1 2^nd Star Ray Dow spent the summer offseason pondering Shakespeare’s question.., “To “D” of not to “D”.., That is the question:”

The final answer to ole’ Will’s question was “Not to D” as Ray was drafted as a 1st-Line Center.  That’s right when you lose a ton of weight.., you gain the ability to fore-check & back-check (just saying Matty Iannello)

Ray quickly answered his critics who questioned his off season decision to move up by scoring 2-goals… We asked Shockwave Goaltender Sean Roach about Ray’s goals and Sean said “Ray scored those 2-goals?!... (Like he says)… F’em”

#9 #11 Mixup

How does the person handing out the new jerseys (on day one of the season) give Niko Vramis’ #9 to John Carey.., and John Carey’s #11 to Niko Vramis?

That erroneous error created a stats keeping nightmare for all those involved.

Hey John Niko.., both of you guys better check your stats to make sure you weren’t “Ray Nickerson’ed” out of your points last week.

Momentum Pendulum

Like all sports.., Hockey is another game governed by momentum swings.

Last week’s inaugural game of the season was a perfect example.., as Snow White took a commanding 4-0 lead over Olive Pits to start the season.

It wasn’t until 23-seconds left in the 2nd period when Dave Costa scored for Olive Pits and started the comeback swing with 4-consecutive goals of their own to tie it late in the 3rd.

However, the final swing of the momentum pendulum favored Snow White as...Chris Ducharme ruined their comeback with a Snow White overtime goal just 13-seconds after the ball was dropped to start the overtime period

Wiki-Leaks

The Over-30 League Director has ordered an investigation into whats been dubbed; “Peek-a-Boo-Gate”

Someone in the “New Regime” leaked confidential information via a sneak peek of the bye week team’s jersey to Jake-O-Lanterns Captain Matty Iannello.

Since one half of the “New Regime” (Jim Barber) was already wearing his jersey.., it wasn’t hard for the League Director to figure which “New Regime” and untrustworthy board member leaked the sneak peek;

Encore Deposit

It’s nice to see Matty Iannello pre-paying for the season on a bye week.

The only problem is Matty’s deposit was paid with winning Encore tickets from a slot machine.., as Matty is using the new Casino as his own personal ATM.

Now someone from Accounting has to take the tickets back to Encore and exchange it for cold hard cash.

“A”-thoritah

There’s some new “A”-uthoritah in the league.., as we say congratulations to Colleen O’Connell and her newly minted “A” on her jersey.

We checking into the matter with the League Director to see if this was a direct appointment or if Todd Bryson screwed up the order and put the “A” on the wrong defenseman (sorry) “Defense-person’s” jersey by mistake.

She has the Defensive Coordinator  “A”… so, sorry Jason Carrien and Luigi DeRenzes.., you guys need to respect her “Authoritah”.., just like Shawn Mulcahy does at home (and now on the rink too).

Valet Parking

Remember Hockeytown has no valet parking.., and with the hockey seasons upon us, Hockeytown is back in full swing with a jammed parking lot. So allow a few extra minutes of circling the building to find a spot before your game.

If you see Bill Abcunas or Mike Naczas out front of Hockeytown wearing a valet jacket and trying to make a few extra bucks for the league.., we advise against turning your keys over and tipping them.., as they are only licensed to sell raffle tickets inside the facility.

Player Cards Complaints?

Every player in the Over-30 League should be receiving a colored photo copy of your career stats. It’s actually not a “Player Card”.., who do you think we are Topps?

But.., if you feel there are errors in your stats (and there could be).., it’s up to you to research it and send a written request to the league with your findings.

For example: Mike Surette his only (1) ever career playoff goal that was not reflected in his stats.., (and) since Mike only had 1-goal he knew exactly when it happened. It was during his championship run with Trojan Horse.

We gave Mike the benefit of the doubt because we don’t like “Messin with Sasquatch” and looked into the big man’s claim.., and after checking the game sheets (which are posted online) he was correct as the previous head statistician screwed him out of his goal.

We would like to issue an apology and will be correcting “Sasquatch’s” playoff stats.

However.., we will not do that for everyone. If you feel like you were “F@&#ed out of points” as Ray Nickerson likes to say.., please take it upon yourselves to do your own research as you have a 10-year “Statute of Limitation” to research into the previous 20-Seasons of game sheets.  All of them are posted online by season.  ~Have Fun!!

First Goal(s)

It’s only fitting that the first two goals of the season was scored by Vulcan CEO and Snow White Captain; John Kelleher.

John notched the first goal of the new season at 5:16 of the 1st period while using his own Vulcan product.., and followed up with the 2nd goal of the season at 8:02 in the 2nd.

Rumor has it that John is taking looking at placing another order with his manufacturer and is looking for pre-order requests and interest from players.

So if you’re looking for (or thinking about) a new Vulcan stick please see John Kelleher.  He’s running a special.., buy one stick at full price, and get the second one also at full price.

For those who haven’t made the switch yet.., try one! Look at Mike Surette he had his best season ever in the Over-30 Leauge with his Vulcan Black (10-points) including 4-goals. Mike hasn’t scored 4-goals since 2013.

Speaking of goals Vulcan user Jim Barber lead the league last season with 23-goals. If these two players can put up career numbers courtesy of a Vulcan Black.., imagine your possibilities.

~ Vulcan sticks making the average player - better than average!