Over 30 Hockey League

Week #2

If you missed opening day last week, here’s what you need to know.

1)    Go visit the League Director Table to sign your waiver and pay some cash

2)    Get your photo taken (in your new jersey)

3)    Make sure you carefully read #1 above

Slippery when wet

We shouldn’t have to apologize on behalf of Hockeytown… but last weekend’s severe weather that passed through Saugus had the faceoff dot in front of hecklers row looking more like a shower than a faceoff circle.

Unfortunately, there is nothing we can do except to try and advise players on where the various wet spots are… but if you watch the game for just 5-minutes, you will easily spot them.

The league has been in contact with Hockeytown Management, and they are looking to address the problem (along with the front facade) with no ETA on completion of either.

Make-A-Wish

We are not sure if Mike Surette has some terminal illness… or if his yearly idle threats of retiring are coming true.  Whatever the case is, someone must have dropped a dime to the folks at “Make-A-Wish” because almost all of his Over-30 wishes are coming true this season.

Mike has been wishing to play with all the players that he recruited into the league… players like: Dave Giusti, Donny Maccini, Timmy Burke, and Cam Long.  Mike scored a hat trick of wishes with three of those players now on Cam-A-Lot with him. 

New Pink Shirt Challenger Dave Giusti was the only one on Mike’s wish list to sign a more lucrative deal elsewhere with the First Responders. Dave saw what Dominic DeFrancisco did for Scotty Rosato and Sean Roach and their GAA.

Honorable Mention Wish: Leo Trombley also received a gift from “Make-A-Wish” when he saw the opening day rosters and joyfully noticed that he wasn’t with Mike this season.

Faker

We don’t know what the truth is here… is newly appointed captain Tony Medeiros taking a page from the Bill Belichick book of putting perfectly healthy players on the IR report to fake out other teams.

Cam Long who is tasked with being the “Heir to the Throne” of the “Great One” was listed as “Out”… then upgraded to “Questionable”… then upgraded to “Scoring the first goal of the 2025 Winter Season.”

The strategy didn’t work for Cam-A-Lot who along with the first goal of the season… they also recorded the first loss of the season too.

Comparable?

Let’s talk about the Week #1 elephant in the room… How does a team with (10) players and only missing (1) player get a sub on week one?

Mark Stickney who was out for opening day, which leaves 10-forwards (two players above the threshold of the 8-man minimum)… and then in walks Garvin Chan to sub to make 11-players against a team with only 10-players.

Next let’s talk comparable…

Look for Cam-A-Lot captain Tony Medeiros to file his first grievance and protest with the league for “unfair practices” as the league wanted to see Dominic DeFrancisco beat Tony in the season opener.

First Responder(s)

When captain Dominic DeFrancisco pulled the panic alarm about his potential 5^th or 6^th place team… First Responder Mike O’Neil slid down the pole and scored the first hat trick of the season.

Then fellow portagee Elder Lopes expressed his joy with playing with his new captain (not named Jim Barber) as he scored on a breakaway pass from Dom.

Maybe this season Mike O’Neill is coming for “Hat Trick” records as he’s already 1-0 on the season. We don’t know what the official hat trick record in a single season is… but if you score enough of them Mike… we can create a category for you in the new Hall of Records.  “First black player to score the most hat tricks in a single season.”

New 1-½ minute penalty

Just like being the first to win the new style championship t-shirts and the new style championship pullover… The Revolution captain Jim Barber was the first to be awarded the new 1-½ minute penalty for tripping some new kid (Kevin Wilson?).

But before Jim could serve his full 90-seconds… he was released by a powerplay goal.

Then Kyle McCabe tried his hand at serving the new 1-½ minute penalty for Interference… only to get paroled with “time-served for good behavior” as Phil let Kyle out of the box after just 1-minute.

Kyle was immediately detained on the floor and deported back to the penalty box to serve his remaining 30-seconds.

So, remember the new penalty policy update… All minors are 1-½ minutes (90-seconds) and now league officials have a cheat sheet to help them with the math.  So, make sure you check in with your parole officer and get the correct time that you can leave the penalty box.

No C & No #

It wasn’t a good off-season for Jamie Kehoe when it comes to guys named Billy.

First Billy Mack had his #2 retired for the Over-30 Hall of Fame, and although technically Jamie has “02” but it’s still the #2… so as the Soup Nazi would say “No Two for you!!”

The switch to “00” came with another change from another guy named Billy… Jamie had his “C” changed to an “A” which also means (say it  Soup Nazi)  “No C for you… come back 1-year!!”

Jamie took his new “A – 00” jersey and silenced his critics by scoring the first goal of the season for Capo-Zero and played some stella defense.  He also played some major minutes with his partner John Carey in the absence of Paul White & Shawn Mulcahy

Capo-Zero started their quest to be “Capo-One” with their first win of the season… partly from a guy with a chip on his shoulder and something to prove this season.

Triple Zero’s

This is the first time in the leagues 34-year history that a team has “Three Zero’s” on it.

Joe “Guido” Conary “0”… Jamie “Demoted” Kehoe “00”… and Angelo Deluca “Capo-Zero” are all now on the same mission… to see Angelo hold the trophy as a captain.

There is also help on the way…. As late breaking news has both Jon Brown and Paul White sidelined for the winter season. 

Line Requests

Tommy Gallagher, can you please put these two line combinations in your rotation next week.

The “Short Bus” line… Patrick Spencer, Tommy Gallagher and Mike Duggan as all (3) players wear helmets and “Doo-gan” always looks like he’s one beer away from licking the bus windows.

Then put the brothers (Johnny & Tony Mastrocola) and their cousin (Tony Fosco) on a line… so they can run, fly and soar with the “Bald Eagle” line.

Critics immediately questioned how the “Short Bus” line can exist, meanwhile The Revolution get the “Short End” of the stick line.

Young Guns

You call the team “Tommy Guns”… then add #91& #92 to the logo on the guns… and right on queue the two “Young Guns” delivered.

Mike Duggan #91 scores the first goal of the season and then sequentially Patrick Spencer #92 scores his first of (3) just 1:05 after Mike started the Tommy Guns scoring on the season.

Also, did you see Patrick’s second goal of the game?  It was a thing of beauty as he “surgically” removed the ball from “Dr Rob” Sheridan and scored a goal to put Tommy Guns up 3-2.  Some could argue that Rob “stepped in shit” on that play.

The King

If the Lion is the “King of the Jungle”… then Leo Trombley is the “King of Open Nets”

Another critical moment of the game… another game tying opportunity… and another missed opportunity for Leo to be the hero.

Down 4-3 with seconds to play… The Poo Bears were firing all kinds of shit at goaltender AJ Larabee.  With the shit piling up in AJ’s crease, Leo had an open net chance to be the “Lion King”… but like his teammate Rob, he too stepped in a pile of “Lion Shit”, as he stumbled over the ball and his prime chance at "Hakuna Matata" went up in smoke with jeers from Hecklers Row reigning down on him.

GSDM

66-players (92%) of the league are forwards and defenseman… which leaves just 6-players (8%) of the league that are dumb enough to put on goalie equipment and let players like Lee Nogler shoot slap shots at them.

Which means that when the league’s front office mandates an update to the career stats, we focus on the 92% of the league and not that minority radical group GSDM “Goalie Stats Don’t Matter”

However, once we come up for air from the opening day schedules and deadlines… we promise to have the leagues’ Chief Historical Data Analyst put something together for the goalies.

Oh, and Anthony Petrillo before you get radicalized from this union group of goalies… your All-Time Career Stats as a goalie are ZERO!

Who’s your Daddy?

With the latest opening of the Hall of fame and the Hall of Exhibits, we learned a fun fact the two-time Mylec “Player of the Year” Mike Duggan has legacy ties to the Over-30 League.

Young “Doo-gans” father, Gary Duggan played (4) seasons in the league from 1995-1997 and ranks #176 with 54-points (29-goals & 25-assists) for a 13.50 points average.

That’s not bad… but the youngest Duggan over his first (4) seasons in the league had 85-points (53-goals & 32-assists) for a 21.25 points average… and Mike flirted with a 30-goal season only to come up 2-goals shy with (28)… Oh, and he also had a “Perfect Season” the first and only one ever in the leagues 34+ years of playing.

Which kind of makes us wonder what kind of numbers Ryan Duggan would have put up in this league… probably more than both of them combined.

Summer Divorces

It looks like Lee Nogler got divorced in the off-season.  A very noticeable Lee shed a ton of weight after his divorce from his former wife “Sara Lee” this past summer.

Phil Russo also broke up with one of his ”X’s” as indicated by his oversized Referee shirt.  Phil went from a “4X” to “3X” and got to see what it felt firsthand to have a league jersey that is always two sizes too big.

Next week, we’re going to have George Medeiros try on Phil’s Referee Tent and see what Geroge looks like in a Vera Wang (Black & White) Striped Dress.

Incognito

So, Jason Carrien opts out his 2025-2026 contract to spend time with his family… but yet on Week #1 we see him in disguise on “Hecklers Row”… or at least someone that looked like Jay.

The question is, will Jay spend more money on disguises than the registration fee of $350 to play.

AARP Hat Trick

The newest Over-30 hat trick was unveiled last week and Poo Bears “wing-ah” Pat Pirone was the first to record it.

What’s the newest hat trick Pat recorded? 

A goal, an assist, and an offensive zone penalty?  Noooo, Pat’s done that dozens and dozens of times throughout his playing days.

The newest “AARP Hat Trick” is losing your game, then losing your cell phone, and finally losing your wallet for the AARP trick of the week.

Thankfully the league has a bunch of honest players and sleuths that quickly went through Pat’s phone looking for unsecured banking information and photos.

They discovered it was Pat’s before his family started calling his phone… and before the Pirone’s put out a “Silver Alert” with the State Police.